i've been counting down since last Dec 26 ... are you ready? me neither!!

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

tell me I'm not the only one ...

I go about my busy day running here and there, cleaning this and that, and I have a sporadically recurring thought "Who are these children and why are they calling me Mom?!"
I look around my home and there are definitely more than just two adults living here. Sticky fingerprints on everything, toys strewn about and the walls have a curious grimy film about 3 1/2 feet from the floor. The carpet on the stairs is matted down on just the fronts and have a strange blue tint to them from the short people that take the FunWayDown from upstairs in their jeans (bet you didn't know they slide the best).
I know that I am a mother ... of 4 very busy children, but sometimes I just don't feel like it. I have insecurities and issues. Mostly about what other moms must think ... as I march up to the school to collect Abi from kindergarten in my capri sweats, dirty t-shirt and baseball cap - the exact same outfit I've was wearing when I dropped her off and oddly the same outfit I was wearing yesterday when I walked her to and from school. I feel like I'm still 18 ... young and hip and cute. Then I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the window of my FilthyStinkin'RottenDirty minivan as I open it for Abi to climb in and pray that the other moms won't see the CrumbToyPaperCrayonMenagerie that's grown to nearly 6 inches deep AGAIN!! Wow... welcome to motherhood - I suddenly feel rather dejected and not so young or hip and very NOT cute.
But then I have a moment like when my littlest boy who is 8 months old doesn't want anybody to hold him but Mom, or when my 2 year old HolyTerror sees me come in the door and yells "MOM!" as he bee-lines to me for a little bit of Mommy lovin', or when my 5 year old takes my hand and tickles her neck with my fingernails and shrugs her shoulders for me to continue on my own, or when my 6 year old draws a picture of me and writes "I heart Mom" folds it over and writes "Frum Abi To Mom" and then brings it to me with a proud look on her face and waits for me to read it and then give her a hug and tell her "I heart you too".
Who cares what I look like or what I ate for breakfast (even if it was a handful of peanut butter M&Ms and a Carnation Instant Breakfast) I am a Mom and that's all I've ever wanted to be!

Are you having any moments? Please share!


Amy said...

I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog and that of your friends. The main thing that has struck me is that I am not alone in the rough looking, dirty dishes filled, unfolded laundry piled, dusty, fun, beautiful and humbling city of Mommyland.

I am a new resident here, with only 10 1/2 months under my belt, but I feel like I have been here a lifetime! It is what I have always looked forward to and what I am amazed to be apart of now. Thank you for your candid comments on the realities of it all.

I LOVE being a mom and yet feel that I fall short in almost every way. Mattie always sleeps through playgroup so we stopped going (the world has ENDED and Mattie wont recover according to "them"), toys are strewn every where no matter how hard I try to keep things organized, the diaper pail is forever overflowing and dinner is never "on time", however, I wouldn't change any of it for the world!

I loved seeing the pictures of your family. I have such fond memories of Andy growing-up. I laughed OUT LOUD when you described how organized he is. It's nice to know that some things will never change. I also have fond "feelings" and vague memories of you as a missionary in SLC. What an absolute surprise it was the day Andy brought his fiancee to my parents house in Mukilteo! "Andy! I know her already!" Good times... Your children are beautiful and are a perfect combination of the two of you. 4 kids is pretty far off for me and starting at 30 limits me slightly, but I am not worried. I'll take what is sent!

I hope you all will stay in touch!

Anne said...

Emily, The website is classictvhits.com It's a blast! Enjoy! Thanks for visiting! I'm cookin' up a good one for this coming Tuesday!!

Emily said...

Em, you're not the only one! I have mother moments ALL the time, good and bad. Lately, they've been mostly good, which is mostly due to the fact that my husband has been off work and my sanity level is always much healthier when he's around. Happy Mother's Day, Friend.

Tyler & Nicole said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog! I can totally relate with this post. I'm grateful that most of my moments are good, but some of the bad ones can be really ugly!

I noticed that you went to the Tulip Festival, well, that you tried. I'm sorry you weren't able to see them! We went the second week of April and it was SO gorgeous! I hope you can see them next year!