i've been counting down since last Dec 26 ... are you ready? me neither!!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

learning more about myself ...

last night i cried myself to sleep.

things i think are dumb:
- when my ears fill up with tears ... cuz i'm laying on my back
- not being able/having the physical strength to go down the stairs (and then come back up again) in the middle of the night to type
- not being able to articulate the words that don't sound childish and selfish to say 'pay attention to me!' or 'i need some help'
- having sore ears in the morning from sleeping on my side to accomodate my injured leg.
- asking for help when i am able to handle things myself.
- pity parties
but sometimes the 'dumb things' are the only way to learn what Heavenly Father as been trying to teach me.

"let me 'splain ... no no, there is too much ... let me sum up" (quote from Princess Bride ... )
sometimes i think i can do it all - i'm perfectly capable - i can handle it.
but ... i have done myself a dis-service and 'denied other's the opportunity to serve' ...

while enduring this injury i hope that i have finally learned this lesson so that i don't have to 'learn' it again down the road.

things i need:
- to let people help me ...
- to accept when people offer help ...
- to ask for help when i need it ...
- to stop the 'tough guy' act ...
- to learn this lesson NOW!

ps. thank you to all my MANY friends
who have offered, helped, and just
come over knowing i'd never invite/ask.
you're the best and a blessing in my life!


jennycooks said...

Tears in the ears never feel good, but are sometimes very necessary.

I love you.

Allow yourself to feel your saviors love for you, and just how much EVERYBODY loves you by letting that service come to YOU. FINALLY. It can be overwhelming to be forced into this position (literaly!) but I hope you are feelin' the love in the process.

Did I mention I love you friend?

Now, if only I were there to come sit on your couch with you and whip up some chocolate chip cookies! Call me when you are feeling like this next time! I give the BEST validation!!! Miss you!

Colleen said...

Oh Emily! I definitely think this is a lesson so many of us gals have to learn. I am glad you had so many to help during this painful injury, I wish I could have!

Shelly said...

You are in our Prayers! hoping you heal very fast and get back on your feet!

The Nedrys said...

Oh Emily! I guess I am oblivious because I didn't realize you were having such a hard time. And you even picked us up at the airport! I struggle too with showing how I am really feeling or letting people help. I think Colleen is right; we women need to be better about that and let the other women in our lives help more! Any time you need ANYTHING, please ask because I am your lady! I'm up for whatever you need!

Chalonn said...

Emily..this post perfectly describes how we all feel sometimes. Why is it so hard to ask for help? I only wish I would have came to get your kids last week..or stayed at the park with them that day and let you drive home to rest! Please ask me too...if you need ANYTHING!

Kristen said...

I wish I could be there to help you out. I hope you are feeling better physically and mentally. I'm giving you an air hug across the internet right now.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who memorized the Princess Bride. :)