i'm going to run a 5k ... just not today!

when i boasted that i would run a 5k and even touted that i would do it faster than some other people ... i was delusional.

case in point:

i sometimes think that those cute-as-a-button girls on the treadmill that jog/run for 30-45-60 minutes have nothing on me and that we might be twins if i didn't have boobs and my hair was blonde.

example #2

i have mentioned before that when i watch movies with jennifer garner or kate hudson or meg ryan or drew barrymore or [insert any other adorable and small actresses name here] in them, i will pretend that andy is the leading man [ie: matthew mcconaughey, mark ruffalo, tom hanks, michael vartan, etc.] and we are actually living in that story that is unfolding ... and i'm actually that petite.

example #3

occasionally i'm surprised by the sheer girth that is my back-side when i happen to see a picture/walk past a mirror and think to myself, invasion of the body snatchers!!

example #4

i have said for years that 'i will only run if someone is chasing me with a knife!' {which now that i think about it ... is not that bad of a policy}

reality check

a person that hasn't jogged/run/anything on the treadmill in several weeks should not ... under any circumstances ... try to/think they can/actually do any running and/or jogging on said treadmill for any length of time after only warming up for 7.5 minutes. that person should work up to a run after 2 or more weeks of walking at a 3.5-4.5 and even then only for short spurts in order to guarantee that she won't be too sore to move in the subsequent days. that person should also remember that stretching and drinking water are essential to survival after the aforementioned treadmill use.

so ... you may have gathered that i have run headlong into soreness/painful joints/aching neck after a foolish attempt at running for 15 minutes!! my music was superb, my adrenaline was pumping and that little voice in my head that said "maybe this is too much too soon" was being drowned by my 'i still got it' pride. and if day 1 wasn't enough to put me in traction... i had the arrogance to tell myself - this is the good kinda hurt that means you're finally working those muscles that have been laying dormant for many many years. i waddled myself back up the stairs to the weight room and climbed back up on that treadmill and winced and grimaced my way through another 40 minutes. it's a good thing i had the presence of mind to attend my yoga classes and get some great stretching in ... so that i could recognize that the parts of me that are in pain ... are not in fact my muscles - but my joints. the same joints that have not been jounced and jostled and jerked and jarred and what ever other j word you can think of that means jolted around in too many years! i have been avoiding going upstairs for fear of having to come down, i've been walking like an old woman in need of hip replacement, i've been putting on my strong face while i walk to pick up the girls hoping that no one notices my waddle.

i'm pathetic.

it's just sad.

and so ... my short-lived alter-ego alter-reality has come to a screeching, albeit sensitive and a little bit tender, halt - for now - until i lose 20-30lbs ... then maybe/possibly/perhaps i'll try running again. stay tuned. i'll still be briskly and vigorously walking the pumpkin push come october 25th.