and speaking of TOFW

Toward the end we had a chance for Q&A ... one of the questions was "How do I make time for myself?" One of the answers was: Don't lose yourself in your family, put yourself back in your life.

I went Visiting Teaching today and the message this month is about being Self Reliant. When I hear those words I automatically think "food storage" ... but we talked about how if you don't take care of yourself, then you can't take care of your family or church callings or anything else.

A few years ago one of my good friends and I planned a trip to visit another of our friends in Las Vegas (where she had recently moved) and we spent 3 days there. We left our husbands with our then 2 and 3 children (respectively) and hopped on a plane! It was a great getaway and we had a ton of fun! I remember thinking - 'are we crazy?' 'can our husbands handle this?' 'what if the plane crashes??' But upon arriving in Nevada ... I was free to remember myself ... who I was and that I had friends and I didn't have to involve a playdate to visit them!!

Andy and I try to be vigilant about a weekly date. I feel like it keeps us on the same page as far as our family life but also we get to reconnect to one another each time we leave the kids behind. I always think about how someday my kids will all be grown up and moved out of the house ... and that I don't want to be stuck with a stranger living in the same empty house as me! I want to have that weekly connection ... we don't ALWAYS make it out ... and quite frankly it does get expensive after paying for dinner or what ever we do while we're out and then paying the babysitter ... but really in the long run it's cheaper than marriage counseling would cost!

Now ... since I am writing this for my kids to look back on and see what I thought about and how I did things while they were growing up ... I want to tell them that I never in a million billion years wish that they will grow up faster. I never want them to go away from me. I don't wish that I didn't have to deal with them. I love each of them, individually, with all my heart. I hope that they will remember me as a fun/funny mommy that loved to hold them and snuggle them and have them around. I do however need time on my own, time with daddy alone, and time away sometimes. Dates are good for mom and dad, and someday you will start dating and figuring these things out for yourselves. I pray that you will find a partner/companion that will take you on a weekly date and show you the love and respect you deserve.

Just to clarify ... I am not scolding people that don't go out on a weekly date - sometimes going out isn't possible. But I believe that setting time aside for husband and wife is essential! Whether you get a babysitter and go out, put the kids to bed and stay in, swap babysitting with a friend or lock yourselves in your bedroom for a couple hours ... it's all about time! Family time is lovely ... but if you want to build on/nurture/develop a relationship that will last through eternity ... you better be doing something about it!!